Film Review: Predators

I can't help but wonder if there is such a thing as a critic who is mismatched for a movie that he's reviewing. Predators seems like it should be a dream come true; a proper follow-up to a well loved classic after years of sequels ranging from mediocre to nigh unbearable, made by a talented company and featuring reputable actors in a fascinating setting. Add to that a fairly compelling premise of trapping a bunch of murderers on an extra terrestrial game reserve- meaning that the alien predators are hunting our societal predators- and you have what sounds like a solid movie. And it is a solid movie. For me, that's part of the problem.
Predators is a good movie. Well written- if predictable- very good acting, cool action bits, well maintained mood. All in all, there's really nothing wrong with it. So why don't I like it? I'm honestly not too sure. I feel as though I'm trapped in my own statistical impossibility: everything about it sounds fantastic, all of the elements work in the final product (lead actor Adrien Brody is even surprisingly effective as a bad ass), and it's quite simply a solid film; not a crack for legitimate criticism to fit through. But I cannot say I like it.
I cannot.
I don't.
Why don't I?
Why?
Is it simply not my cup of tea? No, it's a bunch of evil aliens hunting people who deserve to be eviscerated with invisibility armor and lazer cannons on their shoulders. How is that not anyone's thing? I don't know why I'm making such a big deal out of this, it's nothing I truly dislike and doesn't really have any aspects that scream out for snobby nit-picking. For me, it just kind of sits there: good dialogue spoken by interesting characters as they get ready to die in cool looking ways. And yet I don't care. On reflection, perhaps I've been missing the point: characters can be "interesting," but not compelling; dialogue can be "well written," but not really saying anything one cares to hear; action scenes can be "impressive," but not at all exciting; and movies can be "good," without me wanting to see them ever again. That's what Predators feels like: a movie that was so busy trying to be "good," that it forgot to give anyone a reason to love it, much less like it.
If you think this movie sounds as good as I did before seeing it, then there's really no reason not to see it. You won't leave the theatre feeling ripped off certainly. However that's not the same as a recomendation, it's just not a warning either. Ultimately, my reccomendation for Predators is roughly the same as my feeling whilst watching it: apathetic. Sure readers, go see it if you're bored, just don't make me try to write any more about it.